The other day, a new friend was telling me about how she is friends with almost all her high school friends. I was in awe. With eight major moves since high school, I have made a lot of friends along the way. Due to geography and diverging life circumstances, I have also lost friends. When it comes to high school friends, I just have one that I am sometimes in touch with.
Don’t make me tell you how long it has been since high school. Okay, I will.
Twenty years.
In twenty years, a lot of things happen. Some of my high school friends have given up pot. Others have put down their guitars and put on suits. Some have been married, some divorced, some have taken on the responsibility of a parent.
We aren’t who we used to be when we sang Greenday’s Time Of Our Life at graduation.
When I lost a friend gradually over time, chances are neither of us noticed. However, when I had a good friend melt away or even dramatically sever our relationship, it was hard to breeze past the experience. I felt fragmented, wronged and sad.
This is where I needed to get mindful.
If you are in the midst of a breakup with a friend, chances are you don’t get as much sympathy as if you had broken up with a lover. It is time to get kind from within and befriend yourself.
Take a moment away from all the distractions and admit to yourself, “This sucks.” Tell yourself the truth. We want to get over things and grow beyond them, and in many cases we do, but we need to unearth the reality as well.
This sucks. This sucks.
Tell yourself your full truth, even all the parts that hurt, because that is what a friend does.
You don’t need to speed through healing. You can take your sweet time.
Then take a long moment to consider what this friend gave you in the good times. Consider directing that same energy and those same qualities to yourself.
Laughter. Support. Perspective.
Uncomfortable feelings do not become comfortable overnight, but in time, you will find yourself wishing this old friend well.
You are making room for your next great friendship – the one that supports who you are in this moment.
