Kindness seems like something that should be easy – like breathing or drinking a glass of water. But for many people, it’s not a natural disposition, it’s actually something they have to work at.
Sound like you? You’re not alone. Here are 8 reasons why it’s hard to be kind and why it’s still worth your heartfelt investment.
1. Expectations of Gratitude
We don’t do kind acts just for the thanks, but let’s face it, we sort of expect a little bit of gratitude for going out of our way. When the gratitude doesn’t happen, we’re somehow put out and, all too often, left thinking ‘well, I won’t bother next time.’ It’s that expectation of gratitude that makes being kind a slippery slope. Let it go and you’ll find kindness for kindness sake is a snap.
2. It’s Bad for Business
Oh, this is a tricky one for many women in business. Somewhere along the way kindness became a trait of the gentile, the soft, the weak – in other words – a bad thing. Boardrooms and executive offices are filled with people who believe that you have to be tough and strong to win at business – and, there’s no room for kindness. Of course, there are corporate models who prove kindness does have a place in business, but its unfortunately still not topping the list of attributes on executives’ resumes.
3. Busy, Busy, Busy
We’re a busy bunch. We’ve got appointments and work and socializing and workouts and phew, we never stop running. All of this busy-ness can put us in a fog of focus – we’re always trying to get to the next thing or get three things done at once. We become consumed by this fog where it’s often all about us and the to-do list while opportunities for kindness pass us by. We already know that busy-ness isn’t good for our health, but it’s also hurting our kindness quotient.
4. Lack of Self Love
We’re not always as good to ourselves as we should be. Whether we look critically at our bodies, we set too-high expectations of ourselves or we simply don’t make time for ourselves (and a workout or meditation or social time) in our busy schedule. Kindness is a mirror – when you’re not kind to yourself, you’re challenged to be kind to others. Part of practicing kindness is being kind to you.
5. Cult of Comparison
We won’t call it jealousy because it’s not as green and white as that (see what we did there). It’s more that we live in a culture that gives us a constant stream of comparison (we’re looking at you Instagram). That naturally turns us into judgers, and judging isn’t kind to ourselves or to anyone else. Escape the cult of comparison and you’ll find kindness much easier.
6. Fear of Rejection
When we put ourselves out there to do a kind thing, we’re a little bit vulnerable in our busy, sometimes suspicious and anger-filled world. Whether it’s a simple smile or offering to help carry a bag, there is always the chance that our gesture will be misinterpreted and not appreciated. In the worst-case scenario, we might offend and put ourselves at risk. Remember this. Even if at the moment someone seems to reject your kindness, it may impact them later on. And, there is always the chance that your gesture will be what turns their day around.
7. Oops, I forgot…
Our busy lives mean that we are constantly trying to remind ourselves about the simplest things like being kind or grateful. Planning to be kinder is all well and good in the first, quiet blush of the day but once we get going and get busy, we just flat out forget to be kind. The trick to conquering this one? Mindfulness. Yep, mindfulness and kindness make good bedfellows.
8. It takes practice (and that seems wrong)
The whole idea of having to focus on being kind leaves us feeling defective. We’d much rather not face the fact that in our modern society, kindness is like a muscle that needs to be flexed or it will atrophy. That may seem sad or wrong but it shouldn’t be what stops us. Let’s practice until it’s second nature again.
There are plenty of reasons why kindness is hard but we believe that’s all the more reason to really make an effort ?
